||Body part to Self|| (4)

Dear Macda,

Left and Right ears here.
We have a few things to discuss with you.
We don’t mean to make you feel bad but we’re heated.

Two summers ago, you let some lady stab us. Not only could we barely understand what she was saying, but then we were sore for a good two months. How could you be so inconsiderate? We felt like infecting ourselves just so you could realize how much that hurt us. After a lot of consideration (which you are lacking), we decided not to because the medical bill—not cheap. Consider that a favor.
Now, we’re guessing you have some type of OCD where you can’t take showers with our rings on. That’s kind of getting to be a bit annoying considering that you are poking us more often. JUST LEAVE THEM IN, YOU PSYCHO!
And what’s going on with us wearing these heavy rings all of a sudden. We DO NOT have strength for that, and to be honest with you, they’re ugly. Get rid of them.

Blasting music in your car needs to end. I completely understand that it’s not always your fault. So to make it easier for you, we had lunch with Carla and Carla’s ears and a compromise is definitely in the works. Also for your birthday present, we’ve been trying to create a toning device in which we can tone out your mom whenever we sense a raise in the volume of her voice. We hope you appreciate it.

One more thing before we go. We’re kind of jealous that hands, neck, and head are always warm and looking cute in designer during the winter season. Hands always rub it in and they've been getting pretty personal. It's so annoying, especially when they’re the one’s keeping us warm. When are we gonna get the hook up?

You beloved,
L.R. Ears