Dear Diary,
4 a.m. …again.
Why the hell was this the 5th morning I woke up stressing over him?
He definitely wasn’t losing sleep over me.
After seeing him in the back corner behind the vending machines with Michelle last week, all I could do was cringe in pain every time he’d kiss my lips. Two years—down the drain. He didn’t know I saw him and I haven’t exactly found a way to confront him yet.
I mean, how do I bring that into conversation?
Going to school today was the worst. Arriving their just in time to get my books and walk to class, there he was… waiting for me as usual.
“Baby, I got an A on my Calculus test!” as he approached to hug me.
“Aww good job babe, I’m so proud of you.”
Lie.
I could careless.
“Baby you ok?” he hesitated, sensing the falseness in my voice.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I love him, but why punish myself for his wrongdoing?
He kissed me. I broke down.
I told myself I was going to stay strong. Why was I crying? This makes me look so weak.
“Macda-Nut we’re ‘bout to be late. Hurry up!!!” screamed a familiar voice running towards me. As Dora grabbed my right arm, unaware of what was going on, she pulled me into English class.
I wished those 50 minutes had never ended because walking through the hallways was brutal.
“I heard Gabriel’s been cheatin’ on her ever since they started goin’ out”
“Yo, Gabriel’s a G…two girls at the same time?”
Was I the only one that didn’t know? From the beginning, the “be careful with Gabriel” and “keep an eye on him” comments never hit me. I felt betrayed and hurt. Opening my locker, all I could do was stare into darkness and cry. The pain was unbearable. My body felt paralyzed. After two years of giving him everything, living to make him happy. It was like a glass splinter working its way into my heart. It was a soul hurt. A real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I need to end this.
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